Awaken Into Life Blog

Claiming Your Beauty No Matter the Size

Recently, I was out to dinner with my family and I watched a very pretty, young, thin waitress giving my husband the ole twinkly eye and I felt my self-esteem plummet. I think my husband is a handsome man and when I’m in my right mind, I know he’s pretty darn lucky to have me as his wife. But in that moment I hung my head and stared at the menu thinking, “I just don’t have it like I used to.” The huge zit that was erupting on my chin was no help either. I’m 36, I am a size 10 and I weigh 143 lbs. Eight years ago I was a size 2 and I was HUNGRY. I am just now finding the joy in being a luscious double digit. My intention is to eat for energy, to feel good, to set a positive example to my children, to heal my body. My biggest struggle is with my husband who stops at the store regularly to stock up on the types of things that I don’t buy. Things like Mt. Dew, Tasty cakes, pretty much anything that’s loaded with sugar… stuff that I love but that makes me feel like a drone. I’ll delve more into why we eat the way we do another time…

As a holistic health practitioner I meet with women who have body image issues. I’m disheartened that women in their 40s & 50s carry around incredibly negative feelings about the way they look. At 36, I’m just settling into this body. Am I 100 percent pleased with my body image? No, I still won’t venture near the community pool in the summer. But I’m okay with having my picture or video taken and if I see it and I don’t like the way I look, well – that’s me and I’ve got to start finding the beauty in me. I’ve struggled with negative body image issues most of my life. As a child, I remember watching my mom melt a single slice of American cheese on a plate and eat it with a fork for lunch and thinking to myself, “I can’t wait til I am an adult and can eat like that to be thin.”

The media plays a major role in how women see themselves. I have noticed that since I stopped looking through fashion catalogs and subscribing to magazines filled with unrealistic expectations of what a woman should look like, I feel much freer and open to other ideas about beauty. We view our bodies through a filter. Where did you pick that filter up from? How would you see yourself if you removed the filter?

That waitress that was so pretty and young and thin that was giving my hubby the twinkles… well she got busy as the night wore on and stopped smiling. You know what, without her smile she looked just as ordinary (or EXTRAordinary) as the rest of us. It was all in the smile. Keep smiling sisters.

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